I came across Inner Relationship Focusing a year ago. I thought it was just weird new wavy bullshit, but I’ve found it to be actually rather helpful.
My understanding of the method is that you create a space in your body to meet yourself. I know it sounds stupid. But hear me out. You create a space to get a sense on how you’re feeling, deep down. The thing is – your body can’t talk. You’ll have to interrogate yourself, by asking a lot of “yes” or “no” questions. The body responds with physical sensations every time that you get closer to what it means. This to me shows that there is something to it – it is beyond just fantasizing, because particular feelings resonate while others don’t. The process is not quick (about 15 minutes, maybe), but it is effective. I’ve used it to figure things out about my responses to events, or figure out how I “really” feel about things.
Zoom in on how you're feeling
1. Take 30 seconds to just get a sense of yourself. Breath calmly and deeply. How do you feel, in general?
2. Do you notice a weight to your body? Or a springiness?
3. Where in the body do I sense something taking my attention (e.g., tightness, pressure, a knocking feeling, ...). Where is your body trying to get to speak to you?
4. Try to get a handle on the unclear bodily sensation. Is it a pressure, something moving, something hot/cold, ... . Something vague suffices for now. Try to sense it wholly. Tell yourself "I'm sensing ..., and I am saying hello to that."
5. Get a more sense of the emotional quality of the feeling. You do this by testing with yourself. For example, "I'm sensing pain", or "I'm sensing frustration". See what words bubble up. Try to capture the whole feeling in a single qualitative word. Your body will respond if the word resonates with its feeling.
